Troublemaker
by Speshbubbles
Summary: Clary is subjected to countless hours of abuse by her father Valentine. All her life is devoted to protecting her sister Phin and for her, her love knows no bounds. Clary's been labelled a troublemaker by her school, a criminal by the streets, just a pathetic little girl by her father and...a mystery by the one and only Jace Wayland.
1. Chapter 1

"Phin, what's wrong?" I ask my sister. We're swinging on the swings, my younger sister Seraphina or Phin for short is crying and she won't tell me why. She doesn't answer my question and instead kicks the dirt on the ground with her small feet. I step off the swing and kneel down in front of her.

"Phin, look at me. What happened?" She looks up with puffy eyes. Sometimes I worry that she's growing up too fast. Her seven year old eyes can sometimes lose their glow and I'm terrified of the moment she understands what happens at home or if Valentine notices her. After all, she's very pretty, prettier than me with her long flowing white hair that encompasses her flawless youthful, unmarred face. Her hair nicely contrasts her deep dark brown eyes.

"It's nothing" She finally answers, wiping her eyes.

"Well it's gotta be something, otherwise you wouldn't be upset" I point out.

"I said it's nothing"

"I'll buy you chocolate if you tell me"

Her face visibly brightens.

"Okay. I got an F in Maths and Miss Blackthorn said she was going to tell my parents tomorrow at parent's evening"

"That's all? Honey, it's okay I'll go talk to her. You have your whole life to get A's in Maths!"

"Yeah…" She seems unsure.  
"Come on, I know you. It has to be something else"

"The older kids were picking on me again. Maureen wrote things about me on the toilet wall"

"I'll tell Blackthorn tomorrow, but for now we can go get chocolate" I wink.

"Yes!" She squeals, all tears long forgotten.

I buy the chocolate with my school lunch money for tomorrow, it doesn't matter to me only my sister does. I give her a piggy back ride all the way home. When I we actually make it home I check my watch.

"Phin, do you have any homework?"

"No"

"Can you go play in your room? "

"No"

"Why not?"

"Because it's boring and I'm always in there."

I check my watch again, Valentine will be home in ten minutes.

"Please, Phin please go to your room!"

"No, don't you want to play with me?"

"I can't Phin I'm really sorry"

Her face scrunches up at my rejection.

"I HATE YOU! YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO GET RID OF ME. I HATE YOU!" She screams and charges up the stairs in floods of tears, I wince as the door slams. Her words hurt, I hate sending her way. I want to play with her all night long, but if I let Valentine do the things to her that he does to me…I shudder. No. I would rather have my sister hate me, then have my father rape my sister. I know he would. I hurry to the kitchen, suddenly remembering the dinner that I'm meant to be preparing. I'm half way through making it when a loud thump slams on the front door. I jump.

"Open up!" Valentine yells. I hurry over to the door and undo the latch. He bursts through, knocking me back.

"D-dinner is nearly ready"

"Never mind about that…I already ate" He says, pushing into the hallway. When he brushes past I can smell his pungent alcoholic breath.

"Then, uh…I'll just go clear it u-" I start, but don't finish as he slams me into the wall and I shriek. He grins maliciously.

"_You're _not going_ anywhere_" He says, his eyes trailing lazy down my body. I stiffen under his gaze, he grabs a stray lock of hair and tucks it behind my ear.

"It really is a curse that you have to look so much like Jocelyn."

He kisses down my neck and I squeeze my eyes shut, hating every second, but knowing that any attempt at struggle would make it worse. I've tried before.

"But, I suppose it's fitting. Poetic justice for my wife's murderer, a daughter almost an exact clone of the victim" He murmurs into my ear.

"I-I didn't kill her" I protest. He bites down hard on my ear, I can't help but let out a scream as his teeth break through the soft skin of my earlobe. He clamps a hand down over my mouth.

"We wouldn't want the neighbours to hear, now do we? Or, as I suppose it means more to you, your little sister upstairs"

I must look slightly shocked as he chuckles. "Of course I remember my second daughter."

"Sorry, I thought you were too stupid to count"

My head is snapped to the side as his fist collides with my eye. He doesn't waste time as he grabs my face and forces me to look at him again, his fingers digging in.

"Do not test me _little girl_…or I'll get bored of you and maybe move onto someone more innocent? A little sister perhaps?"

"No!"

"Then we don't have a problem then" He says, ripping off my school tie and discarding it on the floor. He grabs me by the back of the neck and throws me into the living room and onto the floor. I squeeze my eyes shut as the inevitable begins to happen. I take myself away to someplace else. Somewhere other then the dusty living room floor…

When it's all over he leaves me on the living room floor by myself. I lie there pressed against the floor staring at the dirty ceiling. My body aches, he's very violent. I finally muster up any remaining strength left and dag myself off the floor and all the way upstairs. With herculean effort I take a shower, revelling in the warmth and security of it. I change into a Hoodie and jeans and go back to the bedroom I share with Phin, I kiss her forehead and slide open the window. I clamber onto the fire exit and climb up to the top of our apartment. My pent up anger at the world unleashes as I sprint off onto rooftop after rooftop. I'm not scared, Raphael taught me how to free run. I finally collapse from exhaustion on a rooftop a few apartments away. It's actually a very pretty spot, overlooking the sundown over the city. I breathe in the fresh night air and sit on the ledge. It's already quite late, Valentine must've been at it longer than I recall. I grab a pole nearby and lean right over the edge, I feel in control here, like for once I can decide for myself. It's a pretty selfish decision, to end my own suffering or bring another soul into the same fate. I balance safely back on the ledge. I have to survive this. For my sister and for my mother. I didn't kill my mother, she was murdered in front of me. Valentine blames me because I didn't save her. I sigh.

A flash of gold appears from below me and I scramble away from the edge.

"Hello?" A deep masculine voice calls from a balcony below. I panic and sprint away back to the safety of my own bedroom. Thud, thud my body protests at each footfall but I ignore it and soon find myself climbing down the ladder. Once inside I change into my pyjamas and snuggle up next to my sister on her bed. I don't usually sleep in my bed, I feel like I can protect her better here. My mother's words always haunt me to this day, she said them after I'd teased Phin and made her cry. She'd made me promise to "_Always look after your sister. She is your flesh, my blood, yours and hers are the same. Promise me you will protect her with all that you have, all that you are. Keep her happy, don't let the world shatter her." _I promise, until the day I die.


	2. Chapter 2

Pain. Pain everywhere. My eyes shoot open and I roll off the bed and thud onto the floor. Ow, ow. I don't know what to do, so I just lie there, waiting. Little sharp stabs of pain shoot through me and every muscle aches. I wish I could do something, anything to dull the pain. I squint at the digital clock on the other side of the room, 5:03. Great. I close my eyes and concentrate on expelling the pain, I wiggle around trying to get more comfortable, but it doesn't appear to make any difference. I would move back onto my bed, but I'm in too much pain to move. I know I'll have to get up some day, just not this minute. The pain gradually begins to fade around the 6:00 mark. I breathe deeply and stand up, all my muscles protest angrily, but I can manage the stumble into the bathroom. I knock back two painkillers (and also the morning after pill) and grab a shower. I feel dirty, I always do after he uses me. No matter how hard I scrub, I know I can't scrub the feeling away. Last night was the first time he'd down the…_thing _for a while.

The first time _it _ever happened was when I was fourteen and I was terrified. How else was I meant to feel? The day after at school I could barely walk but I didn't want to let on. Nobody asked questions (thankfully) but then again I'd already pushed away my friends. How could I keep other people in my life when I didn't have one? I was only going to tell lies and hurt them. I poison everything I touch. The shower turns cold and I quickly turn it off. I dry my hair and face the mirror for inspection. A black eye and a few scrapes. I looked like the sexiest woman alive, note the sarcasm. I reach into the cupboards for some concealer and take my time to make sure I look normal again. It doesn't really matter if I come into school with a black eye anyway, the teachers assume I get into fights, at least that's what Mr. Fairchild tells them. Yeah, I know Mr. Fairchild, mum insisted he take her maiden name because the Morgenstern's are well known criminals. The Morgenstern name comes in handy from time to time, but for governmental purposes I am a Fairchild.

Once I am pleased with my looks, I shrug on my school uniform. Yes, have to wear a school uniform, but if you ask me it's just another reason for the teachers to pick on me. I'm never up to anyone's standards. I'm wearing a blouse, a black just-above-the-knee skirt and long black socks. I curse as I realise that my blazer, jumper and tie are still downstairs, right where Valentine left them. I creep back into my bedroom and glance at the clock 7:00, I wake Phin up and sneak downstairs with her. Valentine is still wasted on his bed, he's going to have a horrible hangover and guess what? He'll take it out on me. Aren't I lucky? I sit and eat my cereal as I quietly listen to Phin recount her very strange dream.

"And then there were these things called Faeries…"

"Fairies?"  
"No faeries, there's a difference. They were all laughing and playing and then…actually my dream went really scary. Daddy was shouting really loudly and it went all dark and I heard screaming and…and then I woke up, but it was terrifying"

"It certainly sounds like it, must've just been a bad dream"

"Just a bad dream? It was more like a nightmare!" _Tell me about it…_

"Alright then, a nightmare, but you're safe now" _But not for much longer…_

"Yeah, I have you! The bestest big sister in the world!"

"Of course I am!" I curtsy as I clear up the plates. I glance at the cracked clock on the wall. I was thrown into that last year. 7:20.

"Come on Phin, we have to be at your school for 8:00!"

"Actually _my_ school starts at 9:00"

"And breakfast club starts at 8:00"

I drag her upstairs and I gather my belongings as she gets dressed. I check my bag once over and decide I have all the correct books.

"I'm ready!" Phin practically sings as she skips out the door, I smile at her back as she flounces down the stairs. As I reach the door I suddenly remember my jumper and blazer. I go into the living room and thankfully find my things just chucked around the room. I shrug on the clothes that were in the room.

"Why were your school clothes here?" Phin asks, confused.

"Oh, nothing…I just got really hot last night"

"Doing what? I could've been playing too!" She sulks.

"No you really didn't want to" I mumble as I throw open the door and grab Phin's hand. I glance at my smashed watch, that happened five months ago…7:40. I'm going to be late for school…again. Le sigh. I would run, but I would probably collapse.

Finally I drop Phin off at the gates, I smile as she prances through the doors without a care in the world. Maryse, another mother I have talked to sometimes greets me as I jog past her. As I round the corner of the street I see a bus hurtling towards my bus stop, I sprint as fast as possible and as I reach the closed doors I swear the driver looks straight at me and drives off, leaving me stranded behind. The kids from my school laugh at me from their seats at the back. The sky thunders overhead and the heavens decide to open out just for me, isn't it wonderful? I start the long trek into school, wishing I had a coat, but I grew out of mine ages ago and I can barely afford food. Well, actually that depends on how willing I am to commit crime. Valentine's income exists off of drug deals.

A car drives past, deliberately splashing into a puddle, soaking me. The driver laughs. Alright, world, laugh at me. Doesn't everyone? My watch bleeps 8:15, I have to be at school for 8:30 and I'm only halfway there. I'm pondering upon my options when I find myself flying towards the ground, I can't do anything to stop myself as I scrape along the ground. I grit my teeth as the ground scrapes against my already pretty banged up knees.

"I am so sorry" A deep voice apologises. I hastily scramble to my feet and face the intruder. I visibly relax as I recognise them. Sebastian.

"Oh, hey Seb"

"Clary! Didn't see you there! Aren't you like ten minutes late for class?"

I sigh.

"Probably and come on Seb, since when has punctuality been any of our talents?"

"Too true"

We walk in a comfortable silence.

"So, fancy coming down this evening to spray some more bikes with me and Raphael?" The boys makes a 'living' out of selling stolen motorbikes, I sometimes help repaint them. Raphael and Sebastian are pretty much my only friends; I met Sebastian because he actually trains with Valentine in the gym to fight in the underground fights. He's pretty good. I met Raphael when I was 12, he saved me from getting mugged and has shown me how to protect myself since. Too bad he can't protect me from my own father…

"Hey earth to Clary, you coming?"

"I right! Well, I would…but I have to go to Phin's parent's evening and then…well then I have to cater for Valentine's every needs and I'll probably be sent off to Pandemonium. After all, it is a Friday"

"Oh right, yeah course. Later then?"

"Sure"

We reach the school gates and Seb checks his watch again.

"8:45, congratulations on being early"

I roll my eyes and jog into the school, Seb is 20 and dropped school years ago. When I waltz into my first class, the teacher Mr. Starkweather flashes me a dirty look.

"I suppose you call this being fashionably late, Miss Fairchild?"

"No not really. I mean I'm late, but the school uniform doesn't look particularly fashionable"

"So, that is the reason you are not wearing your tie?"

My hand flies to my neck as I realise my tie is missing. Damn you Valentine, he must've left it in the hallway. I pass it off with a shrug though.

"Yeah…I was thinking of running for school council so I could vote for pink ties. I'm sure they'd suit you sir"

He scowls.

"Just sit down and try not to make a drama out of everything you do" I start walking down the isle.

"And Clarissa?" He calls, I turn.

"It's Clary, to you Hodge"

"_Clarissa_, you have a detention with me after school"

I kiss my teeth and strut back to my seat, only to find it's been taken by a guy with golden shaggy hair. I raise an eyebrow, a skill that has required many years of practice.

"You're in my seat"

"Does it have your name on it?"

"Does it have yours?"

"MISS FAIRCHILD. I thought I said no drama, so go sit in another seat that isn't currently occupied by Mr. Lightwood. And oh look this one is nice, _right at the front_"

The new kid smirks as I take the chair at the front in defeat. The class is dead boring, and I swear the new dude is staring at me the whole time. I decide he's probably not. The next lesson is History, which I suck at. When I enter the classroom, I take my usual seat, but unfortunately Lightwood takes the seat next to mine.

"So…Clarissa" He drawls.

"CLARY"

He smirks.

"Clary. I'm Jace"

"Okay…"

"Right class, we have a test today!" The teacher interrupts, but I'm grateful. I hate small talk.

_We have a test? Since when? _When the test lands on my desk, I open it and stare at the questions, with a quick flick through I declare that I know absolutely none of the answers. Everyone else starts scribbling furiously on their papers and I just sit there.

"Clary, the paper isn't going to write itself" The teacher chides, looking pointedly at my blank paper.

"What if I don't know any of the answers?"

"Well if you had revised…"

"What if I was too busy to revise?"

"Oh come on, no teenager can honestly tell me that they have no free time. You were just being lazy"

_Lazy? Huh? I bet this woman has never been raped in her life. _

"Did you do that homework that I gave you extra time to complete?"

"Yes I _did_" _I spent ages working on it…and then I bled all over it. I didn't think the teacher would appreciate the blotchy barely illegible bloody essay. _

"Then can you give it to me?"

"I lost it"

"You lost it?"

"Yes"

"Pathetic excuse, see me for detention after school"

"Miss I can't"  
"More excuses"

"She already has a detention with Mr. Starkweather" Jace pops in, looking up from his completed paper. I scowl at him.

"Hmm. Well you can just come afterwards"

"Miss I can't"

"Why not!?"

"I have to go to my sister's parent's evening" I murmur, so only she can hear.

"Surely your parents can do that"  
"No, actually my mum is dead and my dad is busy"

I know it's a low blow to use that line, but my patience is already wearing thin, it had the desired effect as she pales, nods and then moves away to look at the other people taking tests, I put my head on the desk. I'm going to get an F…Oh well…This is nice, just relaxing. I'm so tired of everything going wrong in my life. I don't even realise I'm asleep until a nudge wakes me up, I pick my head up, bleary eyed. My eyes clear and I notice that only Jace is left in the room.

"Erm…you fell asleep. Are you okay?"

"Oh, I'm fine"

"Cool"

I watch him leave and then I'm left alone in the empty classroom. It's not like I expected him to stay, after all every line I ever get a hold of seems to break.


	3. Chapter 3

I keep my head down as I struggle my way through the crowds of people, anger blossoming in my chest as I keep getting shoved aside again and again. I try to only focus on the song Amsterdam by Imagine Dragons that is blasting out. **"**_**I'm**__**sorry mother, I'm sorry I let you down. No these days I'm fine, well these days I tend to lie…**__" _My earphones get knocked out my ear as I collide with someone, annoyed I take out my earphones to apologise and realize it's that kid….Jace?

"Oh sorry I wasn't watching where I was going?" I mumble, avoiding eye contact. Jace only smirks superiorly.

"No need to apologize, woman throw themselves at me daily"

"I didn't-" I begin to argue when a wailing voice echoes through the air.

"Jaaaace" The voice stops next to Jace and his attention is lost to Kaelie and her disciples.

"What are you doing talking to her?" She says with obvious disgust.

I roll my eyes and shoulder past Kaelie, although I still hear her talking to Jace about me.

"You should stay away from her, she's dangerous like she should be in prison or something. Like yunno this one time when she…."

I shove my earphones in my ear, I don't need to hear the end of her sentence, I already know what it is. _**"**__**Your time will come if you wait for it, if you wait for it. It's hard, believe me... I've tried. But I keep coming up short"**_When I reach the cafeteria I keep to myself, my heart sinks a little as I see the extraordinarily long dinner queue. Begrudgingly I join it and when I finally get to the front I order my usual, but when I reach for my money my heart sinks. I gave it all to Phin. The dinner lady looks at me expectantly.

"Umm…I forgot my money, can I leave an I owe you note or something?"

"No"

"But I'm really hungry" I complain, hoping to persuade the woman but she is unyielding.

"Well you'll just have to wait until you get home"

Resisting the urge to curse her I leave the queue in defeat, shouldering my way through the crowd I carve a path towards my usual spot underneath the apple tree._**"No I won't wait much longer 'cause these walls they're crashing down. And I keep coming up short"**_Ironic.

I'm two thirds into A Tale of Two Cities when my head is knocked forward with a stinging pain as something collides with it. My head snaps up, expecting to see an apple as the offending object, but instead I see a make-up bag. Aline Penhallow struts up to it and picks it up.

"Sorry, _Sage._ '_My hands must've lost control of what they were doing. Didn't mean to hurt you_'" She says with malice and saunters off back to her laughing group of friends. My own words that she used against me slice through my heart like the cold stinging of a knife and I try to fight back the tears. Aline was my best friend, we used to tell each other all our 'biggest' secrets. But suppose when you're an naïve 11 yr old you don't know the meaning of a secret. She used to call me sage after the plant Clary Sage and in return I called her Allie. I was thirteen when our friendship fell to pieces and it was all my fault….

_I wince as the locker door slams from next to me, the sound echoing too loudly into my ears. I hate loud noises, they remind me of him. Aline turns to me and accidentally knocks my books out my hand with her giant hand bag. _

"_Oh, I am so sorry Sage" _

"_Never mind" I mumble, dropping to pick them up. I breathe deeply to cool the fiery rage building up inside like a furnace. She comes to help me, but is less useful than she was before. Her fake nails managing to indent most of my paper work. I grit my teeth and gather up the rest of my stuff. _

"_Oh my gosh Sage, I just noticed. Have you got FOUDATION on!?" She screeches, using her hands to turn my face, examining it. I slap her hands away. I put it on for a reason. _

"_Stop making such a fuss! I just wanted to try it out" I try to reply as warmly as possible._

_She purses her lips but links her arm with mine anyway and drags me down the corridor. _

"_So I was thinking we could have an all girls' night" I open my mouth to protest but she puts her hand up to stop me. "Don't try to argue your way out of this one. I'm not having you miss another one, the girl's are all thinking you're abandoning us for some kind of guy. But you know what we say, chicks before dicks, right?" She stops walking and turns to face me for confirmation. _

_I nod half heartedly. _

"_Yeah…" _

"_ .Gosh! It is a guy! Tell me what he's like. Come one Clary why didn't you tell me?" _

"_I'm not-" _

"_Now stop lying. Are you lying to me Clary? I thought we were friends? We tell each other everything right?" _

"_No Allie, I'm just-"_

"_Don't you Allie me!" She says, I shake my head to try and reason with her, accidentally exposing my neck._

"_Oh goodness, is that a HICKIE!?" She screeches even louder, examining the marks left on my neck, they actually weren't left by teeth (_although they soon would), _they were burn marks. _

"_Clarissa Fray! You have been seeing a guy without telling us! I am ashamed, I thought we were friends…" She rambles on and on, getting increasingly angry. I frown, feeling my pent up aggression rising. I just wanted a normal day, I just wanted to feel okay again and she had to ruin that. My eyes focus on her hands that are waving about wildly, for some reason they offend me more then they should. Think, breathe. No! She ruined it all! See look how little she trusted me, she turned on me! My mind starts racing to all the moments recently that she has annoyed me. The constant questions, the snide remarks…._

"_-and all your time is with your sister. I mean urgh, why spend time with her over me-?" She doesn't get to finish her sentence as my hands start acting on their own. They fly to her neck and start wrapping themselves tighter and tighter. An animalistic rage consumes me as I constrict her neck. It is only the helpless look she gives me that loosens my grip. I can see it in her eyes; she is looking at me like I'm a monster. Like I'm him. The fear in her eyes is very real and very familiar. I drop my hands in surprise. It's only then do I hear the screams of the gathering students around me. Aline gives me a look of absolute horror and betrayal, a pair of arms drag me away. _

_Later on I remember sitting in the office, Aline refusing to even look at me as I try to explain myself._

"_I'm sorry. My hands must have lost of control of what they were doing. I didn't mean to hurt you"_

I sigh. In the end I wasn't expelled, it was too expensive and no other schools really wanted me either. They called my father, expecting me to receive a punishment from him. Instead of punishment he congratulated me, it meant that he could pass off his abuse as my own aggressive actions. I lost everything that day. My friends, their trust, I even lost respect from the teachers. I tried crying out for help, I was rude, I yelled. I tried to get them to notice that the innocent, friendly quiet young girl had changed. I thought that they'd be concerned, I thought they'd help me. Instead they punished and rebuked me. They started to believe his stories. In the end I gave up, I sleep through my classes now and struggle to learn anything. Of course I still back chat the teachers, they annoy me more than anything else in the world and I have to take out my anger somewhere.

**Jace POV**

"We all hate her now. She doesn't deserve our respect, she's rude to everyone. Don't get too close to her, see look Aline can even show us the mark" Kaelie gestured to her friend that I assumed was Aline, who pulled down her collar to reveal a faint red line circling her throat.

"That's sick!" Isabelle gasps from behind me, still engrossed in all the gossip. I study the tiny red haired girl reading a book under the tree. She doesn't look much. "You're expecting us to believe that the tiny girl over there gets into fights and does drugs?" I was having a hard time believing it, even though the girl sure had a fiery attitude, I also saw her fall asleep in class. Another girl called Helen I think leans in closer as if to tell a secret. We all lean in too.

"I heard she's a _Morgenstern_" The others, even Alec gasp in surprise. We've all heard the name Morgenstern at some point, they're the most dangerous street criminal family out there.

"But I thought her name was _Fairchild,_ it said so on the register" I point out, rolling my eyes.

"Actually no, Simon looked up the register on line to find her records and found her name had been changed. Also Fairchild was her mother's surname, not her father's"

My eyes glint at the new piece of information.  
"So you mean she's a dangerous street criminal trying to cover up her tracks?" I ask. Alec notices my sudden change in attention.

"No Jace. We came here to stop you getting involved with the wrong crowd again, or do you want to end up in juvie?"

"Aww come one Alec, she's a mystery! It'll be fun!"

"No, no and no. Alec is right" Izzy intercedes "She's a bad person, probably even murdered people. We are having nothing to do with her."

"Okay, okay I was just curious!" I defend myself.

"Mm" Alec says.

I agree to move on and I really didn't want to end up back with the police again, but there was just something about her….

**Clary**

I run as soon as the bell rings, glancing at the cracked watch I named Gordon as I race down the corridors. I have about half an hour to get to Phin's teacher appointment and I don't want to be late.

"Clarissa! You have a detention!" I heard Mr. Starkweather yell after me. I swear under my breath but keep running. He can't force me to go. I burst out the doors, knocking Simon, my old best friend off his feet. He glares at me as I shoot past. He stuck with me for longer than the rest, but left when I strangled Aline, claiming that he didn't know me anymore. I'm still the same person….well no I'm not. The truth is harsh, but it is the truth. I speed down the streets, my body just about making it a few blocks away before it collapses. I let myself fall against a wall to catch my breath. My heart thumping painfully against my bruised rib cage. Everything hurts, but it's been years since I haven't felt a throbbing pain somewhere on my body. I force my self into a standing position and glance at Gordon the watch again, I have about ten minutes to get to the school in time. I sigh and speed walk to the school.

By the time I reach the school hall I'm already five minutes late. I studiously ignore all the whispers from the parents around me as Phin runs up and grabs my hand. Although I can still hear '_too young to be a parent' _or the bolder _'goodness she must have lost her virginity at nine or maybe even younger!' _whispered around the hall. I roll my eyes. The teacher fixes me with a cold look as I take a seat.

"You again?" She greets me.

"Not gonna shake my hand then?" I reply icily.

"I shake the _parent's_ hands"

"Suit yourself. Now, tell me about my sister"

"Well, where to begin-"

"The start, preferably"

She glares at me. "Fine, I won't dilly dally around the point. I am concerned with _Seraphina's_ attitude. She intimidates the other classmates, I believe it may be hereditary"

"This has nothing to do with me, I had reason to believe Phin was having trouble with a few other students such as Maureen. She complained about Maureen writing offensive things on the toilet walls"

"Complete codswallop! Maureen is a lovely student who would never do such a thing"

"Have you checked the toilet walls?"

"Her claim was deemed untruthful"

"Well that's absolute shit"

"Language! I am also concerned with her grades…"

_The woman just doesn't stop talking…_

"…so I am thinking of disqualifying her from our annual talent show, as I heard she was hoping to enter"

"What!? Why would you do that!? She was looking forward to it, we've been practising for weeks!"

"Well then maybe she should work on her attitude too, and I was under the impression that only they were allowed to enter and not you"

"We sing together, I wasn't aware that there was a rule against it"

She pursed her lips tighter together.

"There is not. I shall allow her to enter the competition if she can list all the states of America by next week "

"But that's-"

"You may leave now, _Miss Fairchild_"

I reluctantly get up and waltz out the door with Phin in tow.

"This one is me…" Phin explains, pointing at the stick figure she drew on our dusty living room mirror with her finger. We started this game once we got back. "This is you…" She says pointing to the taller one. "This is daddy and this is mummy!" She says pointing to two other figures, I swallow back any tears and manage to choke out something.

"You're going to grow up to be an artist" I complement her, adding my own artistic renditions to our picture. "See, look now we have a horse!" I say pointing to the horse I just drew next to hers.

"Mmm…we have to name him something!"

"What about Gary?"

"Gary?...I like it. Gary the horse" She confirms, writing Gary in her childish writing about the horse, officially naming it. I smile at it and boop her on the nose with my dusty finger. She squeals and tries to scrub the mud off.

"Horsey ride?" She asks, giving me the puppy eyes. I bend over and she leaps onto my back. I stifle a cry of pain, her body scraping against a few raw wounds.

"Where to, little hobbit?" I ask.

"Towards grand adventures!" She exclaims, I gallop up the stairs and into our bedroom, I feel her beginning to slip away and so I plonk her unceremoniously on the floor. She laughs and I can't help but smile back at her. The door slams with a bang and my smile falters.

"Stay here" I demand. She scowls at me.  
"But I'm always locked in here, it's no fun!" She complains.

"I know." I say, walking out and clicking the door shut. I turn the lock on the door and stuff the key in my pocket. I take a deep breath and head down stairs. Valentine greets me with his usual look of disdain.

"Dinner. See to it" He barks, clicking his fingers in the direction of the kitchen. I go into the kitchen like some obedient dog. I take his food out of the oven, we've already eaten. I don't get the chance when he's around. He drums his fingers on the table, staring coldly at me the whole time. I walk stiffly up to him and plonk the plate down on the table.

"You forgot something"

"Err…I-I did?" I stammer.

"The _beer_, stupid little girl" He spits.

"Sorry" I quickly apologise, hurrying over to the fridge to grab a few bottles. I set them down in front of him. He wolfs down his dinner and I fidget nervously, desperate to leave, but there's no where to go. I zone out in a day dream and only the clatter of his knife and fork brings me back to the harsh reality. He takes a swig of his third bottle of beer and looks me up and down. I squirm under his scrutiny.

"You're going to Pandemonium tonight. I have a big deal with Bane, he's sending a demon along for the exchange. You can do the dirty work"

Demons are what we call the drug dealers, my father is a _respectful _businessmen, albeit among the scroungers.

"But-but I have a really important exam. I need to revise and-" He stands up, making the chair screech across the floor. His threatening demeanour is enough to shut me up as he stalks towards me, I back away into the kitchen wall.

"Are you disobeying me, _Clarissa?_"

"N-n-no"

My head snaps to the side as his hand collides with it. I bite back the tears that threaten to spill.

"Do. Not. Stutter"

I don't say anything.

"What makes this _exam _so important? Aren't your _father's_ wishes _more _important?"

"No" I murmur, I mentally curse myself. I had meant to say yes.

"Say that again" He demands. I look away and mumble something inaudible. He takes my chin in his fingers forcefully, making me look him in the eye.

"Yes?" I try.

He grabs me by the hair and slams my head into our kitchen table. My skull resonates inside my head and a searing pain shoots through my forehead. He yanks me back up again.

"I believe that is not what you said before. _Say what you said before_"

I struggle to control my anger and fear, but I shout impulsively.

"NO!"

He smiles a sadistic smile and grabs me by the neck, holding me up in the air. I gasp and choke, scratching at his hands. My lungs burn and my head pounds, and when I'm at my breaking point he chucks me through the hallway. I skid across the living room and crack my head against the cold stone fireplace below the mirror. My vision goes blurry, but I don't miss the figure that stalks towards me like a lion towards his prey. A foot collides with my chest, then my ribs, my side. I try to curl up in a ball, but he rolls me over with his foot, hitting all the vulnerable areas. '_Don't scream, don't scream', _I chant in my headnot wanting to alert Phin to my torture. She doesn't have to know. He shouts condescending names, although it's nothing I haven't heard before. Nothing I haven't been taught to believe already. When his kicks stop, I don't dare look up at my tormentor. He crouches over me but all I can see are his shoes.

"You _will _go to Pandemonium tonight. I will be waiting." His fingers pushing a strand of hair out of my face, I cringe remembering some of the nights I've been subjected to. With one last kick, he gets up. I lie there on my side, cheek to the cold and hard wooden floor, watching his shoes as they walk away from me. Thunk, thunk up the stairs. His bedroom door slams shut with a loud bang. I consider closing my eyes and just lying here, but I know if I do that Phin will ask unwanted questions. I sit up, the blood rushes to my head and I am momentarily blinded. After much pain and determination, I'm standing in the heart breaking stillness of the room. My eyes shift over to the mirror, smudged with our finger drawings. The tears that have built up spill over.


	4. Chapter 4

"So the first is Alabama and then Alaska" I attempt to teach my sister as I search through our shared wardrobe to find that awful dress Valentine brought me for nights out at pandemonium and he refuses to let me wear anything else.

"Alabama, Alaska" She repeats, from her crossed legged position on her bed, watching me intently.

"Okay, next it's Arizona and Arkansas" I say, digging out the short black dress that reaches my mid thigh. One item of clothing found.

"Arizona, Arkansas"

"California, Colorado, Connecticut" I recite, digging around for the thigh high boots.

"California, Colorado, Connecticut"

"Now try all of them. Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado Connecticut" I say, pulling out the boots.

"Alabama…Alaska…Arkansas….Connecticut…."

I sigh.

"Not quite, but you're getting there"

"Urgh, how do _you_ know all of this!?" She complains, flopping back onto the bed.

"Practise…and the fact that I retook the test twenty times, but whatever"

Phin laughs and rolls her eyes. I locate my leather jacket and grab my make-up bag.

"I'm just going to the bathroom, learn those few while I'm gone" I say, throwing her the well used list of states I found lurking in our wardrobe whilst looking for the clothes. In the bathroom I shrug the infernal clothes on and apply a bit of eye make-up to create the shadowy effect and to of course hide the big ass bruise covering my left eye. I smile half heartedly at my reflection, a hooker dressed okay looking girl smiles back. I steel myself and try to look slightly tougher. The girl looks slightly less timid, but still easily broken. Le sigh. I give myself one last once-over for exposed bruises to find nothing and head out the bathroom and back into the bedroom.

"Delaware, Florida, Georgia…" I walk into find Phin concentrating very hard over the paper. I tackle her into a hug.

"Hey! Get off!" She protests, pushing me away. I comply, noticing mum's necklace on the nightstand, I take it off. I nearly forgot to wear it, I always wear it, it makes me feel safer, like I have a piece of her with me. It's a stupid thought I know.

"I'll do it for you!" Phin offers, standing up on the bed to clasp the necklace around my neck for me.

"Thanks Phin!" I say, planting a kiss on her forehead. She pulls a face.

"So I'm going out and I expect half of them learnt when I get back, but lights out at 10, yeah?"

"Yes sir!" She salutes. I chuckle and put my hand on the handle to go out, but I turn around first to the take a last look at her sprawled form on the bed pulling her adorable concentrating face.

"I love you…" I whisper quietly, so quietly that I don't think she hears. I open the door and shut it behind me, making sure to turn the key in the lock before pocketing it. I close my eyes and steel myself once more for the dreary evening ahead. I head down the stairs, keeping my eyes to the floor hoping to avoid him but when I reach the bottom I lift my eyes to see none other. He smirks and looks me up and down, if I was given money for every time he did that I'd be rich indeed….

"So, you know what you're meant to be doing?" Valentine checks, his gaze feels overbearing. I look past him as he presses a handbag into my hand, of course it's full of drugs.

"Erm….I mean-yes-I'm going to do another drug deal"

"Good" He nods, I take it as an opportunity to move past him, but he grabs at my arm forcefully, turning me around. I open my mouth to ask why, but close it when he fingers close around the necklace, studying it.

"I gave this to your mother as an anniversary present. Suits you, you know" he says, and lets the necklace go, but his hands still linger uncomfortably on my neck.

"Okay…" I say awkwardly looking anywhere but him.

"Go." He says, finally dropping his hands. I walk as quickly as I can away from him, desperately trying to stop the pressure from building up behind me eyes.

"Oh and Clarissa"

I stop with my hand on the door handle, but don't turn to face him.

"If you see a family member tell them I said hi"

"Of course" I say, rolling my eyes as I swing the door open. The walk to Pandemonium is as scary and cold as it usually is. I ignore the catcalls as normal instead pulling my hood up and only looking ahead so as not to draw so much attention. When I actually reach Pandemonium I feel a smirk rising to my lips as I strut past the long line of people queuing to get in.

**Jace **

"Isabelle Lightwood of you do not get your butt down these stairs right now I swear I will-"

"I'm ready!" She yells, cutting short my threat. I roll my eyes as she wobbles down the stairs in ridiculously high heels.

"Let's just get this over with" Alec says, leading the way out.

"Hey, Alec it's meant to be a fun evening. I'd hate to dampen it with your optimism"

When we finally reach the queue for Pandemonium we all collectively groan at the lengthy queue. We resign to standing at the back, there really was no other way to get in and before you ask, I've already tried.

"Who's that?" Isabelle whispers pointing to a girl in a leather jacket, I couldn't really make out any detail as she wore a hood. I watch her as she walks past and talks to the bouncer, peaking my curiosity.

**Clary **

"Who are you?" The menacing bouncer Michael asks. I pull my hood down.

"Clarissa Morgenstern of course Michael" His eyes widen and he quickly lets me past, the Morgenstern's own the club and have a reputation of firing any bouncer who rejects a fellow family member. The front people in the queue complain loudly in my wake. I smile, sometimes being a Morgenstern has its perks. The familiar thrum of the music lulls me in and I nod my head to the beat as I swerve through the masses of sweaty grinding bodies. I have to shrug off numerous people before I reach my favourite spot by a small fountain in the corner. Don't judge me, it lights up in pretty colours. I survey the scene as I search for the unmistakable blue haired boy I knew I'd be making the deal with tonight. I catch him in the corner chatting up a girl with long black hair facing away from me. He glances up and I wink at him, signalling for him to come over. He nods and pushes past the girl without a second glance, making his way towards me.

"You have it?" He asks, nodding to the bag.

"Yes"

"Shall we take this somewhere else?" He gestures to the storeroom. I sigh and follow him, when the door is shut he whirls around.

"Give it to me"

"Money first"

He raises an eyebrow and takes a step towards me, trying to be intimidating. I stand my ground.

"As I said, money first" I say, with my hand out. He sighs and digs out a wad of cash, I take it and chuck him the contents of my bag, stuffing the money in the remaining empty space. Thankfully he lets me walk out without another word. I slip out of the door and get myself lost in the crowd, making my way to the bar. Someone grabs me and whirls me around. I push them away whilst realising I recognise the blonde guy. He smirks.

"I thought that was you. I don't think anyone else in New York has your shade of hair"

"Yeah well I don't think anyone else in New York is as annoying as you"

"Ouch" He says, mock hurt. I push past him, making my way to the bar.

"Gin and Tonic please" The barman looks up and smiles when he sees me, of course he just so happens to be a family member.

"Clarissa, long time no see" My cousin Jonathon states, sliding my drink across the bar.

"Yeah well I've been a bit busy"

Jonathon leans over the bar, casually scrutinizing me, looking for the injuries he knows are there. After all, he's been there to witness it firsthand. At least when it happened he tried not to look at it, for that I'm grateful, he's one of the few family members I can stand having conversations with.

"Valentine giving you a hard time?" He asks, stroking the tender, bruised skin around my eye. I flinch and he rests his arms on the counter instead.

"Well yeah you could say that" I reply.

"Did he leave any messages for me?" He asks genuinely, Valentine has been known to leave notes or instructions for his favourite nephew.

"Well apart from 'if you see a family member say hi for me' there's nothing"

"Aww that's sweet, us Morgenstern's together ay"

"Yeah it's just great" I say bitterly. He looks like he's about to say something, but the other bartender shouts at him and he leaves to go do his job. I watch Jace plop down into the stool next to me and I glare at him as he orders a drink, looking very smug and a little drunk.  
"So that kid you were in the cupboard with, did you have a good time?" He smirks, obviously thinking that he had me sussed out.

"That's none of your business"

"Aww come on Clary just because you have a bit of fun, I'm not going to judge you" he says, but his face tells a different story. I snort.

"Like you haven't slept with dozens of woman"

"Ah, but I admit to it" He points out.

"You're disgusting" I say, hopping down from my stool. I feel the breeze as he also hops down and grabs me by the waist. I involuntarily wince as he presses on my bruises. He spins me around to face him.

"You're quite pretty; I look like an angel, so why don't we go to my place?" He suggests, with a smirk.

"Do I look like a whore to you?"

He raises an eyebrow.

"Well what with your reputation and your outfit one would assume so"

"My reputation?" I ask, pushing him away but he pulls me back. I panic, feeling the all too familiar situation arise again.

"Well you don't appear too uncomfortable at this club, you know the owner which would suggest you were a regular and someone like you would only come here if you wanted a good time."

"Get off me Jace" I warn, shrugging him off.

"Oh yeah. That's right you get into fights as well, quite the tough one aren't you?" I glare at him, but he still holds his grip on me.

"Jace Lightwood, you are not taking…._her _into bed with you!" Isabelle interrupts, shoving me away from Jace. I'm relieved and slip away back into the crowd, heading towards the exit.

"But-" I hear Jace argue from behind me.

"No buts Jace, we already know that she is bad news so stop trying to get involved with her, it just a repeat of that Lucy or whatever her name was last time! You promised Maryse that you wouldn't do that again!"

"I just wanted to-"

I stop listening to spare myself from hearing exactly what Jace wanted to do with me. I reach the exit and shudder as a sudden gust of cold wind hits me, a sudden contrast from the heat of the club. It hurt knowing that they only thought of me as a druggie or just a whore, according to Jace. Even the mere thought of _that _makes me feel sick! Gah! I just feel so trapped and lost all the time. It's like I can't do anything without being judged or being told I'm wrong. It's like I'm just this person fabricated out of rumours until no-one is even interested in me anymore, just what they think I am. It makes me angry, _it makes me so angry_! I let the fury consume me as I lash out and punch the very hard brick wall of the alley I'm walking down. I swear at the pain that envelops my knuckles and I shake my wrist out, tears prickling my eyes. It doesn't matter what they think of me anyway, it's not like we could've been friends. I pull myself together and make my way down the alley once more. _This has been going on for years Clary, don't let the new kids tear you down. You have to stay strong, if not for yourself, for Phin. _After all it seems to be the only thing I live for.


	5. Chapter 5

**Wow, thank you for all the reviews and follows. If anybody has any ideas, then feel free to review! Sorry it takes so long to write! **

_I'm in the dark. It's cold but I can't see anything. The air is humid and hard to _

_breathe in, my breaths coming out short and shallow. I walk forward, looking for an exit. Suddenly a scream pierces through the air. My heart stops a beat. I know that scream. I desperately run towards the sound, but the air is dense and unyielding. I can't reach the cries of anguish. The scene evolves and morphs, I'm in my home bedroom. The screams of my sister continue, this time from downstairs. I surge forward, trying to open the door, but it's stuck fast and I can't open it. I can't save her. I try, and try, pulling at the rusty door handle and slamming my palm against the door in desperation. My breathing becoming laboured, my chest hurting but all I can focus on are the screams and cries of sheer terror coming from downstairs. "Clary!" She calls out my name, this time much closer…_

"Clary! Come on Clary wake up! Clary are you okay? Clary!" Phin cries, close to my head. My eyes shoot open and I grab onto her tightly, pulling her into a hug.

"Hey!" She protests, scrambling away. Even though the nightmare is over, I'm still breathing heavily, even shallow breaths send sharp pains rattling through my chest. To say it hurts would be an understatement, I struggle up into a sitting position on my own bed this time. I lean against the headboard to catch my ragged breath.

"Hey, Phin? Is it possible if you could please go into the bathroom and take out some Paracetamol?"

"Paracetamol" She mutters as she exits. I stare at the ceiling and attempt to take as deep breaths as I can in an attempt to calm down. This time it feels serious, I'm going to have to seek medical help…from the internet of course, but that also means going to the library because daddy dearest sold my laptop, which also means I have to go to library anyway to get some work done…

"Is this it?" Phin asks, coming back into the room with the life savers. I smile at her gratefully and knock back a few. The pain fades gradually until I can just about bear it.

"Did you have a nightmare again?" She asks innocently, coming to snuggle up next to me.

"Yeah"

"What about?"

"Oh, you know. Normal stuff…."

"What's normal stuff?"

"Giant man eating marshmallows"

She giggles.

"Is that why you couldn't breathe? Cos you were eating too much marshmallow?" She asks, eyes wide.

I laugh, it hurts slightly.  
"Death by marshmallow" I joke.

"So…" Phin asks when she stops laughing. "What're we going to do today?"

"Mmm…Well I need to get more of these…" I say, holding the empty painkiller packet.

"Shopping then? Can I push the trolley?"

"Of course"

I go to the bathroom to get ready, examining the damage in the mirror. My stomach is covered in a blossom of bruises, mostly centring on the left. It looks pretty disgusting. My eyes shift up to my shoulder, inspecting the pink patch left behind from the bullet wound, shot by the same gun that killed my mother four years ago. I shrug a shirt on, not wanting to look at it anymore. It's easier to forget what you can't see.

Once Phin is ready we head downstairs to check for any signs of Valentine. I spot the note on the counter immediately and pick it up.

_I've gone to visit my brothers. Clean up, I'll be back. Money on the counter. _

I scrunch up the note and shove it in the bin. I'm guessing he'll be away the whole weekend and hopefully more, well hopefully forever. I glance around and spot the money, it's in a plastic bag. I open it and actually smile, there's way more than usual.

"Hey Clary-" Phin asks but gasps when she sees the wad of cash in my hand. Her eyes light up with glee.

"Does this mean we can go to Taki's?" She asks.

"Yep!"

"Wow daddy must've been working hard this week!" She exclaims, blissfully unaware. I smile and divide up the cash. A pile for shopping….a pile for Taki's and a pile for savings. I'm saving up until I'm eighteen when I can legally runaway and find a way to take Phin with me. Whatever happens, she's not staying with him.

"Come on Clary! I want to do loads of stuff today!" Phin complains, dragging me along behind her. I glance at my watch.

"Hey, hey slow down!" I complain halfheartedly as she drags me through the door. "It's 7:00am we have loads of time!"

She skips along, buzzing with energy. I follow after her, admiring her joyous outlook on life. We enter the supermarket and she immediately runs to the trolley and starts pushing it along. I walk slowly down the aisle looking for all the necessities, occasionally stopping to pick out all the things Phin put in while I wasn't looking. When we reach the till the cashier smiles down at Phin, but eyes me suspiciously as I pay in cash. She doesn't question us though and soon we're on the way home laden with bags.

After putting all the food away in our fridge, I go to the back of the cupboard where we store all our precious things and take out my iPod dock. I place the dock back down in the living room and blast out my music. Valentine gave me the dock as a sorry present, back when he still felt regret for letting himself get lost in the fury. That's what he is, a lost man found by his family of greed who have bred hatred into him since he was a child. It was only my mother who could shed a light on his life and when she died his humanity died with it. Wow, that's all very depressing. I should become philosopher or something...Anyway, the music blasts out and we dance along to it as we tidy up the empty bottles in the living room. Phin never asks why they are there, although I don't have a good enough excuse. I twirl Phin around and dust off the mirror. The normal boring chores turning into a fun dance. Soon enough it's all done and so we just dance. I love moments like these, where I can finally be myself. The song comes to an end and I go upstairs to grab my guitar and handbag, shoving the remaining money in.

"Lets go out" I announce, wanting to be out of the house as soon as possible., this time I'm dragging her out.

"Where to?"

"The library"

"Really? It's sooo boring there"

"I'll let you play games on the computers?" I suggest.

"Okay!" She says, quickly won over.

I shoulder the handbag and walk hand in hand with Phin to the library. My legs ache slightly but I ignore it, close my eyes and breathe in the clear air and sunshine. Appreciating the peace. When we enter the library Phin sprints straight to the computers and by the time I reach her she's already logged on. I shake my head at her and log onto my own. We're regulars here and the librarian gave us free access, after explaining we had no other way to use the internet. I type 'bruised ribs' and silently pray it's nothing serious. I click on the first medical website that pops up. I scan the page and breathe a slightly painful sigh of relief. It takes three-six weeks to heal and can be treated with a bunch of painkillers. I close down and relax, taking a deep a breath as I can (as the website told me to). It kills, but if it's going to make me better…

"_Clary?_" A deep voice asks from behind me, with an unbelieving tone. I jump and look up. Standing before me is a man I know I should know, but can't quite put my finger on it. He is a ragged-looking man with blue eyes framed with glasses and brown, uneven brown hair. I stand up, so I don't look as small.

"Erm…hi?" I say awkwardly. Phin looks very confused. She evidently has no recollection of him.

"Clary, it's me Luke." He frowns. I should remember him. I know he's from the past but…I don't ever revisit past memories. I've pushed them too far down, it's too painful to reminisce. I feel dreadful, he obviously knows me. _Come, on Clary! You know him! _

"Luke, yeah hi…" I say, not sure what to say.

"You don't remember me?" He looks hurt. "Well I suppose it has been a very long time. I just opened up a bookshop and I was perusing the library for books when I saw my favourite strawberry-." He pauses "I'm sorry for disturbing you…" and he shuffles off. I watch him walk away and feel a massive whole in my chest. He's a friend evidently, I can't let him just leave. I have to know more.

"Hey wait!" I run after him and stop him. "I want to know more about you"

He turns and looks hopeful, obviously glad I came after him.

"Sure…..well what do you want to know?"

"Erm…this is probably a stupid question to you, but I don't remember much past when I was twelve. So who were you to me before?"

"You used to call me uncle Luke. Of course, I'd tell you no. I was your mother's friend, we used to go to my farm all the time. You were like the daughter I never had…"He continues to recount all these memories that I am vaguely familiar with. I see the door I locked shut in front of me in my mind and turn the door open, letting the flood gates of the past open…I think remember an Uncle Luke if I concentrate hard enough…

"_You hurt yourself?" Uncle Luke asks me, kissing my grazed knee. _

"_Yeah" I sniffle "The horse George tripped me up…"_

_The sun sets over the beach as Uncle Luke lifts me onto his shoulders and wades through the water. Looking behind to see the silhouette of my parents follow in behind in the background hand in hand. I close my eyes and reach up, pretending I can reach the sky... _

_Uncle Luke drives down the long road as I let the sun beat down on me from the shot gun seat. I sing to the along to the music and stick my arm out the window, making wavy motion-surfing the air that rushes past…_

_I sketch the golden fields before me, lying on the picnic blanket beside Uncle Luke. He tosses me an apple and I catch it absentmindedly, taking a bite as I continue sketching. Minutes later he nudges me and as I look up a squirt of water splashes me in the face. I shriek and jump up to be hit with another spurt. Jocelyn laughs at my expense, jiggling the baby up and down. I grab my own gun and charge after him down the hill…_

_I look up and catch his eye from across the burial ceremony. He gives me a tight smile and turns to leave…_

_Valentine stalks towards me, I can hear my three year old sister crying in the other room. I didn't shut her up in time, giving Valentine a headache and now I'm paying the price. I look around wildly, searching for help or an escape. He sneers. I scan the mantelpiece, devoid of the happy pictures and memories they once held. He backs me up into the wall. When his fist hits me, the realisation also hits me. I'm alone and no-one is coming to save me…._

I snap out of the flashback and stare at the man before me. I don't really know what to say. All I can think of is trying to block out the images flooding my head, images best kept hidden deep down. It hurts to relive the past, because it doesn't feel real to me anymore, like a dream watching someone else be happy. But yet, here is a man who knows me and has the same memories as me. Which means they must be real. Luke gives me a sympathetic look and wraps his arms around me. I tense up but gradually relax and wrap my arms around him, burying my face in his chest.

"What happened?" I whisper, face pressed to his chest.

"What do you mean?" he says, pulling away and wiping a tear from my cheek. I flinch, as a built in reflex. An odd look passes across his face.

"You left. When mum died, you could've stayed" I point out.

"I'm so sorry, but Valentine said he needed space. We all did, it was hard on all of us"

I look down at my feet.

"Yeah…"

"You do look very much like your mother and just as beautiful" He says, I know it's meant to be a complement, but it hurts worse than any insult.  
"Clary! The computer's frozen!" Phin whines from her seat behind me, but I'm grateful, all issues fading as I let myself get distracted by my sister.

"Let it go!" I joke.

"Har har" She calls, not even bothering to get up from her seat. I roll my eyes and come over.  
"What's wrong?"

"Well, I was playing this game and then it just froze and-who's he?" She asks pointing to Luke, who had also come over.

"Oh well this is Luke, a family friend"

She stands up and takes his hand.

"Hello Luke. I'm Phin"

Luke looks at me in confusion.

"Seraphina. People tend to grow a lot" I clarify for him. His eyebrows raise and he stares at her in bewilderment.

"Do I have something on my face?" Phin asks.

"No you're fine, it's just that Luke remembers you when you were still a baby"

"Oh right. Well back to the computer…."

Luke leaves soon after, but invites us over to the bookstore tomorrow. We stay for about an hour longer, Phin playing her game whilst I catch up on the revision I could have done on Friday night. Phin gets restless and so I give up and take the energy ball out to Taki's. It feels like days since this morning, but yet it's only lunchtime. We enter the small rundown shop and take our usual booth seats. Thankfully we're served by Maia, my favourite waitress. Kaelie is understandably much, much worse.

"Hey, buddy. What can I get you?" She asks Phin.

"A burger and chips please!"

"Right away, and you?" She asks, turning to me.

"Clubhouse sandwich please"

Maia turns away.

"You know, I order the club sandwich all the time and I'm not even a member. I don't know how I get away with it." I wonder.

"Wait you have to be a member to get the club sandwich?" Phin asks.

"I'm kidding"

"Ohhh. Hey after this can we go to the park!?"

"Of course"

Our food comes and conversation ceases as we enjoy the food. Taki's food is the best in the world, seriously the derelict outlook really doesn't do it any justice. I pay the bill and lead the bubbly child out the door. She honestly never stops; she's always hyper on some strange kind of oxygen in the air she breathes. I keep her close to me as we navigate the busy streets, making sure she doesn't get lost. When we reach the park she squeals and charges off to the play area.

"Race you!" She yells, already halfway there. I sprint fast and catch up with her, slowing down to race head to head and letting her win just at the end. She does a celebratory dance and then shoots off towards the swings. I stroll over and take the one next to hers, letting the wind rush past as I swing higher. The swings have always been my favorite, even as a toddler. Phin quickly gets bored.

"Hey why don't we play pirates?" She suggests, pointing the climbing ship.

"Ay, ay cap'n!" I salute her and let her lead me over.

"Where we 'eading?" I ask, taking the wheel.

"North!" She squeaks, climbing up the small rope net to the look out post. She points ahead.

"Enemies!" She yells. I rip out an imaginary sword and she comes to join me.

"Oh no, there's too many!" I gasp, as I pretend to be overwhelmed with imaginary pirates.

"I'll save you!" She announces, swinging on a rope and cutting down the 'enemies'.

"You saved me, how can I ever repay you!?"

"Ice cream?"

I laugh.

"Anything for the hero!"

"Yes!" She punches the air. I pick her up and plonk her onto my shoulder, my body protests slightly at her growing weight, but as usual ignore it all.

"I'll guess we'll have to swim to the shore" I say, walking down the gangway and onto the painted blue grass, making swimming motions to reach the 'shore'.

"Hey look it's Max!" Phin points to the boy by the bench. It's quite obvious that he's trying to get the boy beside him to play but the boy is too busy on his phone to care.

"Go ask him to play with us" I encourage Phin, setting her down on the ground. She runs up to him and drags him over to us. The other boy, barely even looks up when he leaves. I roll my eyes, can't he just appreciate his brother or whoever Max is to him?

"Hi Phin's big sister! Thank for letting me play with you! I'm Max!"

"Hi Max. My name is Clary" I say, ruffling his hair. He smiles at me, glasses lopsided. I already like this kid. We start up the game of pirates again, this time I play the role of blackbeard the invading pirate. I creep up behind the ship and pick Phin up, taking her hostage. Max does a war cry and tries to rugby tackle me, I barely move but let Phin go. He's just too cute. We battle it out and Max wins by pushing me off the plank. I pretend to drown as they both high five each other.

"Max! Mum wants us home!" The boy shouts, slowly walking over to us.

"That's Jace, he's my big brother." He leans in to whisper in my ear "but he's not as cool as you are"

I smile. As Jace approahes I notice his trade mark golden hair, surprised I didn't notice him before. Although he wouldn't be the first dude I'd consider as Max's brother, they look nothing alike. However it did seem like him to complete ignore his brother. I say goodbye to Max as he runs off to Jace, who puts him in a headlock and swings him up onto his shoulders, walking off in the opposite direction towards the car park. Although I don't miss the wink he sends my way, making me roll my eyes. I shouldn't get involved with him. Phin climbs onto my back and I give her a piggyback most of the way home. When the usual routine is complete and Phin is finally in bed, I grab my sketch book and sketch the events the park, committing it to memory until my eyes droop and I lose my concentration. I switch off the light and star at the glowing stars on the ceiling until I drift off.


End file.
